Liefde: Drie
by Xazz
Summary: You: you MOCK my beard! You: you're just jealous you can't grow your own You: half breed just gets peach fuzz Alty: … You: Altair 0 Rauf 1 -one shot-


spoken italics is French

typed italics is English

non italics is Dutch

* * *

Stupid_Mako: _Hi_

You: _hi_

Stupid_Mako: _I saw you had your Skype on your blog, so I thought I'd say hello. I'm one of your followers._

You: _Oh! Hello :D_

You: _Sorry, which one are you? I have a lot OTL_

Stupid_Mako: _Yeah sorry, I'm sunshinebavlava, Youy though works_

You: _nice to meet you_

Youy: _same_

Youy: _how are you?_

You: _just fine. Bit busy_

Youy: _oh, sorry if I'm interupting_

You: _not really. Putting down my homework_

Youy: _right. Aren't you on break?_

You: _I'm in college, you don't really get breaks_

Youy: _:(_

You: _you're telling me_

Youy: w_ell if you're doing homework I don't wanna bother you_

You:_ it's fine_

Youy went offline

—

Well that went about as well as Rauf thought it would. He didn't delete the contact right away though. Sometimes they came back. He just groaned and rubbed his face and looked at his homework.

"_That doesn't sound good_," his roommate said with a smug grin. Rauf ignored Henri. He was a git and annoying.

Rauf turned back to his laptop and balefully looked at his contacts. He'd put an internet blocker on his computer so he couldn't use the sites he wasted the most time on. He knew his friends _should_ be on. It was late enough for Altair to be out work, and Malik was visiting family back in Holland, so there was no excuse for him to _not_ be on.

"_Rauf_," Henri said, his French slightly mutilating Rauf's name, _"I'm going out. Don't make a mess,_" right, cause _Rauf_ made a mess. He didn't take the bait or even respond since Altair's icon turned green.

—

You: thank god

Alty: what?

Alty: what?

Alty: what?

You: omg shut up

Alty: in the butt

You: NO

You: stop that

Alty: you're the one who contacted me

You: I wanted to be distracted from homework

Alty: oh. hmm. sorry. can't help. not today. Stars

You: …..

You: don't quote Road of El Dorado at me Altair

Alty: or what?

You: please. I'm stressed out enough without you being a moron.

Alty: fine fine

Alty: what's up?

You: homework

Alty: anything even remotely interesting happen?

You: got another follower contact

Alty: huh…

You: another hi/bye one

Alty: lame. got one of those too the other day. Liked honger, wanted some cooking advice

You: and?

Alty: I told them to go away

You: you're so mean Altair

Alty: I'm not a helper chef! Just cause I run a food blog and going to culinary school doesn't mean I'm available for random consultations.

—

Rauf's brows went up when Youy came back online. Huh. Well that was interesting. Usually people who hid behind offline or invisible didn't come back on so soon. He'd wait to see if he got a message from them.

—

Alty: so I sent them a website to help them

Alty: cause fuck that I got enough problems

Alty: uhg

You: lols

Alty: don't you laugh at me Ra-Ra

You: oh fuck you

Alty: sorry, taken

Alty: know it's hard to resist, I have an amazing ass

You: well…

Alty: shut up

You: now I know how you like it

Alty: jkdgsdk

Alty: nope

You: 3

Alty: you lil shit

You: this is why we're friends!

—

Youy: _Sorry, my power just died. We're having a thunderstorm here. Back though!_

You: _oh that sucks. Where are you?_

Youy: _Florida_

You: _United States?_

Youy: _Yeap! Having a daily thunderstorm, nothing serious_

—

You: hi/bye is back

You: much more energetic than before

You: think he grew a pair

You: if they're a boy

Alty: girls usually have bigger internet balls then guys

You: yeah I know

—

Youy: _so still doing homework?_

You: _no. now I'm talking to A_

Youy: _your co-admin?_

You: _yeah, that one_

Youy:_ oh cool. I'm not interupting am I?_

—

Alty: so you still need me to entertain you?

You: yes

You: not like you have any other requirments of time

You: Malik is back home

Alty: yeah and? I got shit I can do

You: … no you don't

—

You: _nah it's cool!_

You: _I just might be a little slow on responding_

Youy: t_hat's fine_

—

Alty: fuck you I do so!

You: like what?

—

Youy: _So how's the weather in the Netherlands_

You: _I don't liv in the Netherlands_

Youy: _… oh, sorry, I thought you did_

You: _Well I do. But I'm going to school in France_

Youy: _Really? That's so cool!_

—

You: You got nothing

You: except maybe your hand

Alty: stop thinking about me like that Rauf. I know you're lonely but /I/ have a boyfriend thansk

You: shut up Altair

Alty: lol

You: I'm going to punch you in your smug face when I see you

Alty: no you won't

You: yes I will

You: and tell Malik you were flirting with me

Alty: fuck you! No I was not. So not my type. Waaay too beardy

You: don't be jealous I have a majestic beard

Alty: it's a rat's nest

You: is not

You: you take that back about my beard!

—

Youy: _tb?_

—

Alty: birds live in it

You: I take that back, Im going to just strangle you

—

You: _yeah. Sorry. A is being a… I think you say… cock?_

Youy: _I think? Dick would be more appropriate probably_

You: _Yes. Thank you_

—

You: _you're a dick_

—

Youy:_ you're welcome? I think… did I just help you insult A?_

You: _Yes_

—

Alty: am not

You: you MOCK my beard!

You: you're just jealous ou can't grow your own

You: half breed just gets peach fuzz

Alty: ….

You: Altair 0 Rauf 1

—

Youy: _oh well… sorry? For him I mean_

You: _don't feel sorry, he was mocking my beard_

Youy: _What?! How could he? Your beard is fantastic_

You: _as I've been trying to tell him_

—

Alty: hey

Alty: you know I don't like the 'half breed' shit

You: you know I don't mean it

Alty: doesn't mean it's nice

Alty: I wanted insults I'd go get them from Faruq

—

Youy: _you're actually… the reason I'm growing out mine_

—

You: you're right, I'm sorry. That was insensative of me. You know I only meant it in fun

Alty: your beard is still nappy as hell tho!

You: MURDER IS IN YOUR FUTURE ALTAIR!

Alty: come get me beardy

You: I know where you /live/

Alty: not scared one bit

You: okay then, don't move

Alty: you coming here?

You: yes

Alty: oh dang

Alty: should I get the gag ball?

You: kill you slowly

—

You:_ sorry Youy g2g_

You: _I need to go murder Altair_

Youy: _oh_

Youy: _okay_

Youy: _nice talking to you_

You have disconnected

—

Rauf closed his laptop, threw it in its carry case, threw that into his backpack and grabbed his coat. He was out the door in just a few moments and leaving the dorm to go find his friend.

—

Altair lived across campus in another dorm building. Altair let him in and they made it up to Altair's room before Rauf put him in a head lock. Altair squawked and struggled but despite being a good ten centimeters shorter than Altair he could still throw Altair around like he was a mildly weighty paper weight.

"Hey, hey!" Altair cried.

"Cretin," Rauf said, shoving his friend into his dorm and closed the door behind him.

"You're so rough with me Rauf. I know our country is lenient on these things but-

Rauf nearly did punch him. Nothing was more frustrating than Altair when he mouthed off. Rauf honestly didn't know how Malik put up with him since it happened a lot. Maybe cause Malik usually gave him better things to do with it. He didn't think on that line of thought too much honestly.

"Do you ever stop?" Rauf asked him.

"With you? Nope."

"Uhg. Why am I your friend again?"

"Cause I've know you since you were in diapers and you can't get rid of me," Altair grinned at him and sat on his bed.

"A life choice I blame my parents for to this very day," Rauf huffed.

Altair chuckled, "So why are you here again?"

"You insulted my _beard_," Rauf growled.

"It's not that great."

"Says the guy who gets patchy after about three days worth of growth," Rauf said smartly and sat on the chair at the desk, Altair and his roommate had made their beds into bunk beds. Altair scowled at him. "I'm sure it's just beard envy. No I mean _clearly_ it is since you clearly live vicariously through your boyfriend."

"I do not," Altair said.

"Do so."

"Do not."

"Do so."

"I like the beard burn."

"Do s- oh my god," and Rauf slapped both hands over his face. "I did _not_ need that mental imagine," and Altair laughed at him.

"You're welcome."

"I hate you so much!" Rauf still had his hands over his eyes.

"Didn't you say you were going to strangle me?"

"… Yes!" and Rauf threw himself at Altair. They tussled, Rauf jokingly trying to get his hands around Altair's throat. Altair laughed as he batted at Rauf and they sissy slapped each other a bit, Rauf straddling Altair on the bed.

The door opened without announcement, "Oi, idiots, keep it—" they both turned. Faruq was in the doorway, a shocked and… enlightened look on his face. "I'm telling Malik," he announced and then was gone.

"Uh oh," Altair said and looked at Rauf.

"Uh…" and then they were scrambling over each other and off the bed after their friend.

"Faruq!" Altair yelled down the hall in time for the door to slam.

"You're going to get in trouble," Rauf said.

Altair sent him a dirty look, "So are you," and he dragged Rauf down the hall to where Faruq and his roommate Gabriel shared a room. Altair knocked, "_Gabe_," he called, "_You in there_?" Altair's French was barely passable. Enough to carry a conversation but he sounded like his mouth was full of potatoes when he talked.

"_No no, don't answer the door,_" they heard Faruq say through the door quickly.

"_What did you two do?"_ Gabe asked.

"_Nothing, let us in, Faruq is being dumb_," Rauf called.

"_… What did he do?_"

"_Just open the door. Promise we won't murder him. We just wanna steal his phone."_

_"Promise? I don't want a new roommate."_

_"Promise_," Altair said.

"_Gabe no, I need to make a call-_

But Gabriel opened the door and Altair and Rauf shoved through it, nearly getting in each other's ways and Faruq yelped as they barreled into him. They wrestled and pinned Faruq to the bed and Altair grappled the phone from the other guy's hand. It was ringing. Altair put it to his ear as Rauf held Faruq down. "Hello Malik… Yeah this is Faruq's phone… I stole it… Why else? He's a moron… No no, he's fine, promise."

"He's lying!" Faruq yelled and Rauf clamped his hand over Faruq's mouth.

"That? That was nothing_," _Altair said cooly. "Why I'm calling?" he looked at Rauf who just rose his brows back in 'say something good idiot' sort of way. "Mine's dead and I haven't called you and told you I love you today." Altair laughed at Malik yelling at him over the phone. "Bye," and hung up.

"Smooth," Rauf said sarcastically.

_"Someone wanna tell me what just happened and why my roommate looks like he's going to be murdered?" _Gabe asked, sitting on his bed across from them.

Faruq licked Rauf's palm. Rauf tore his hand away and smeared Faruq's nasty saliva all over his face in retaliation. "_Saw them about to get busy-_

_"You're fucking _retarded, _what you saw was me trying to murder Altair for insulting my beard over Skype."_

Faruq gave Altair a leer look, "_You did what_?"

"_It's nappy_."

"_It isn't nappy!_" Rauf yelled and the others laughed. "_It's majestic_."

"_He's got a point Alty. It's pretty damn majestic, if a bit short."_

_"Says you. You barely have more than Malik,_" Rauf scowled at Faruq.

_"Uh… guys?_" Gabriel chimed in and pointed at his own face. There was a beat of silence and then they laughed. Gabriel was a French American who's father apparently had a wizard beard (they'd seen pictures) and in the grand tradition Gabriel had a big, bushy, well kept beard even bigger than Rauf's. "_You all are weak_," Gabe said.

"_At least not like Mr. Peach-fuzz here_," and Rauf gave Altair a love tap on his cheek.

"_Yeah yeah_," Altair grumbled and pushed Rauf off. "I'll keep this_," _and he took Faruq's battery out of his phone.

"Hey! I need that!"

Altair tossed the battery to Gabriel, _"Give it back to him when he's well behaved."_

_"So you mean never_?" Gabriel asked.

"_Or something_," and Altair got off Faruq's bed, he dragged Rauf with him. _"See you later_," he called and closed the door as they left.


End file.
